The Enemy Within

Enjoy :)

Final Thoughts

Word Count: 519

I have learned a lot in this class this semester. The first thing that this semester taught me was how to create my own blog and blog posts. I never knew that I would ever be posting stuff in my own blog let alone make a blog ever in my life. My social anxiety would never have let me do this all on my own. This class really pushed my limits and it made me express myself more than I ever thought I would for other people to read and possibly enjoy. I never thought anyone would be interested in what I had to say in the blog posts but I was clearly wrong. I learned that everyone has a story and it deserves to be told, because once you’re gone there’s no one who can tell your story as perfectly and genuinely as yourself.

            I have also learned how immersive and fun it can be to listen to podcasts and make podcasts myself. I’m a person who loves playing video games watching movies and tv shows. I never knew a podcast; something with no imagery would be so enjoyable. Great dialogue and sound effects can really bring a story to life. This is why I was so excited to create my own podcast. It was both a fun and a tedious experience but overall, I learned that making a podcast is not easy. Trying to make a compelling story whilst trying to sound genuine in the dialogue was a lot of work and I still have much to learn. I am definitely interested in making another podcast in the summer this time with friends just for fun if they are willing to do it with me.

            Lastly, I learned a myriad of things from making this video project. I learned about all the several types of camera shots I could use and I learned that people who make videos really put in a lot of work. Everything that you see in the video must have a meaning and has to relate to what you are speaking about. There should be no image in a video where it’s not being used to describe some purpose. I thought making my video project would be  simple task but it turned out to be much more difficult than creating a podcast. In a podcast you can let the listener imagine the scene taking place but when you create a video you are creating that scene, and it must be perfect. Finding the correct images for your video must be one of the hardest things a video maker must go through. Despite all of this it was a pleasure creating my own video. I again never thought I would be exposing myself like this for other people to watch and judge but once again I did just that. I feel like I have gained better control over my social anxiety throughout this semester because of this class. Using the blog posts, podcasts and the video project I was able to let go and express myself in a way I never could in person.

Storyboard

Storyboard by Giovanni Sabartes on Scribd

The Start

First two minutes of video project.

Free Write

Word Count: 820

Free Write:

 My interpretation of the definition: 1. Anxiety Disorder- uncontrollable fear and nervousness.

                           2. Social Anxiety – the inability to communicate with others in a positive manner.

                           3.Obstacle- Something that gets in your way during your lifetime. It can range from mildly difficult to extremely difficult.

                           4.Freedom- A moment of pure happiness and excitement; restrictions and limitations are not present physically nor mentally.

                           5. Sorrow- A feeling of overwhelming sadness; difficult to stop.

                           6. Confidence- the ability to be sure of yourself and let others know you are not afraid to be you.

Lists: 1. Inability to sleep

2. Loss of confidence

3. Trust issues

4. Heart racing 24/7

5.Gratitude

6. Self-awareness

7. Flux between caring for others and only caring for myself. Ex: Pre- med to make up (I’ll talk more about this in the video)

Description: I had 5 minutes to talk to her before the 1^st period bell rang. I had known her for over a year now and I wanted her to know my true feelings towards her. As I approached her locker I saw her there. The look on her face was overwhelming me as I walked closer. She smiled and said, “Hey what’s up?” I could smell the perfume forcing its way into my nostrils as I tried to come up with words to say to her. I couldn’t speak. My stomach turned into a knot and after a loud and heavy breath I did a complete 360 degrees turn and walked way nervously.

For scenes I’m going to talk about what may be in scenes 4 and 5 in the video. In the previous blog post, I talked about scenes 1- 3.

Scenes:

Scene 4:

Sound Effects: I don’t know yet

Pictures: Doctor and patient, picture of judgmental action, and terrified face, handshake, job interview, cashier, classroom, build up

Dialogue:        This scene is about social anxiety disorder. Many individuals who have an anxiety disorder can also have social anxiety disorder. Doctors can diagnose if you have social anxiety disorder when they ask you questions and see how much it affects your daily life. For me it definitely does. The first thing people with social anxiety disorder fear the most is being judged by others. The judgment of other terrifies to a point where we can’t function properly around others. We become self-conscious every time we socially interact, and even moments before when we know we are about to socially interact due to an unavoidable situation.

Yes, I despise meeting new people. Meeting new people for a person with social anxiety disorder is dreadful. You panic at the fear of this new person judging you straight away. It’s absolutely terrifying to me how everyday social interactions can make me feel like this. Simple things such as meeting new people, a job interview, talking to your crush, being called on in class, or having to talk to the cashier in supermarket or convenience store is a challenge for people like us.  Even doing normal things in front of people like eating your lunch or snack, or drinking a beverage in front of others or using a public restroom also results in fear and uncontrollable anxiety. I am afraid that I will be humiliated, judged, or rejected. It seems like a very dumb thing to be afraid about put people with social anxiety have very minimal control over these fears. I even get angry and frustrated with myself when these situations occur, but it eventually happens again sooner or later.

The fear that people with social anxiety disorder have in social situations is so strong that they feel it is beyond their ability to control. Taking back control is simply out of the question.  As a result, it gets in the way of performing well at school, and work. For my situation it’s just school because I have been afraid to work at a real job my entire life.  When we know that something socially heavy is going to happen in a few weeks’ time we dread on these things and worry about them right until the moment they finally happen. The buildup is the worst part. I like most others with this illness (I hate calling it that but it’s what it is) end up staying away from places or events where I think they might have to do something that will embarrass me. This disorder also causes performance anxiety. This is when you the feel physical symptoms of anxiety in situations like presentations for class, playing a friendly match of soccer with friends or attempting to dance at parties. I have promised myself to seek treatment this summer because I don’t want this illness to deny me the chance to reach my full potential. Freshman year of college really taught me that in order for me to succeed I can’t keep this hidden anymore and I need to find a solution.

Scene 5: TBA

             

Anxiety Rough draft

Word Count: 673

Scene 1:

 Sound effects: (Indistinct whispers and voices all around)  

Picture: Blurry screen of people walking around and talking.

Dialogue: Voices. There are voices everywhere. Our daily lives are filled with voices. Voices that comfort us, voices that hurt us, and voices that distract us from our everyday lives. The source of these voices come from beings that people with social anxiety fear the most. People. Unfortunately, this is something that I struggle with through my everyday life. This social anxiety that I have is a result of having an anxiety disorder. Many people will say that everyone deals with anxiety throughout their everyday lives, but this… this is something much worse. Let me explain…

Scene 2:

Sound effects: (Some type of music that fits with the tone of my explanation)

Pictures: Exam, Deadline, someone freaking out, Picture of the sun and moon and a clock signifying “all the time”, frustration face, a fleeting object, emotions trapped in a cell, Calendar signifying weeks and months

Dialogue: Usually when people feel anxious it’s because an important event is coming up like an exam, a deadline, etc. But when you have an anxiety disorder you feel this anxiousness pretty much all the time. It’s very frustrating when you are feeling anxious and you can’t spot the source of the stress. An anxiety disorder also produces intense and excessive emotional responses. Many individuals may be on edge before an exam, but a person with an anxiety disorder might be anxious several weeks beforehand, and even afterwards. This something that I deal with all the time. I and many other with an anxiety disorder will experience intense symptoms right before, during, and after the exam. Also, normal anxiety is fleeting, while an anxiety disorder is ongoing and the feelings can last weeks or months.

Scene 3:

Sound effects: Somber & intense music

Pictures: confusion face, someone acting dizzy and lightheaded, sweat dripping of hands, heavy breathing, and heart pounding fast, pounding headache, bathroom, shut mouth, reality disconnection, negative thoughts, losing confidence

Dialogue: This next thing, I hate talking about, because not many people relate to it or understand it, but for you to try and understand it I must explain it. I’m talking about the physical and psychological symptoms of having an anxiety disorder. Excessive anxiety and the feeling of being worried aren’t the only symptoms that comes with having an anxiety disorder. There are many physical symptoms like dizziness, light-headedness, sweating, trembling, heart pounding, headaches and nausea. You feel like you can’t breathe, can’t talk or must go to the bathroom frequently. Just trying to utter out simple phrases is hard because your body is trembling during these moments. I’m affected by these symptoms every day, some days just some of the symptoms, and somedays all of these things happen at once. The scariest part is that people with anxiety disorder also report feeling detachment or disconnection from reality. They feel like they can’t formulate their thoughts and have trouble concentrating. This especially happens whenever I try studying or taking a test. It’s just shocking to see just how much harder it is trying to concentrate with all these symptoms happening to me. At the same time, I experience a race of negative thoughts that is just flooding my brain. Many people with anxiety disorder have different times of the day when these negative thoughts rush into their head, but for me it happens in the morning, and it makes it harder to continue sleeping and get out of bed. The biggest consequence of this… is losing your confidence.

Scene 4: In this this I shall talk about my social anxiety and how it relates to the anxiety disorder

Scene 5: In this final scene I want to talk about the benefits, and good things that arouse from having an anxiety disorder. I don’t want the viewer to feel bad for me, or hopeless. I want to come up with a way to end this on a semi good note despite the negativity of the situation.